So… I Just Got Out Of Jail

Man! What a way to start a blog right? So, yup I just got out the joint. Did a little time behind bars. Lol. It was 5 days, five whole days behind bars and when your in Phoenix, Arizona 5 days in Estrella jail feels like a lifetime. Estrella jail sucks, and when I say sucks I mean it’s like living in a hell but not with all the comps you would get while living in hell.

            So your probably curious what an innocent looking girl like me did to find herself in jail. Well to be honest I’m not so innocent. I actually had a warrant out for my arrest for a probation violation for not showing up to meet with my probation officer. I mean its not that I just said fuck it I’m not going in but I’ve been on probation now for 5 years! Yeah you read that right FIVE YEARS!!

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  Anyways I got way off point there my bad I tend to ramble off into different directions when I get caught up in the thoughts of what I call my life. So yes I got arrested for probation violation my first one in 5 years and no new charges. I got hemmed up a couple days ago because to be honest I was looking for some dark and paid a chick to get for me but she had just so happened to be a police informant and me, my boyfriend, and my best friend all got set up and arrested for warrants. Crazy right? Not really cuz the crazier part of all this is what happens afterwards. Although, I think I’ve wrote enough for this morning until later take it easy… And stay out of jail lmao.      

  I had actually just been kicked out of my sisters ex boyfriends house cuz she decided to come home for a couple days and all in one day I lost my place to live, my job, and stability for my children. My sister is addicted to crystal meth and she had been with her man for 6 years and had a 2 year old son when she decided to go on a drug binge and take off. But when she ran out of money or her current partner got tired of her in bed she would come back home and her baby daddy is so desperate to hang on to his family that he lets her back in the door. He also happens to own a roofing company that I run the office for but when my sister comes back I instantly lose my job.

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Esteban

          I never thought that I could fall in love after I’ve had my heart ripped to shreds by Satan’s sister. I was married to the woman that made me want to never love again. I also told myself I wouldn’t allow myself to ever fall in love again, that I wouldn’t allow someone to hurt me again so I sworn off falling in love. I almost committed suicide, I know such a stupid thing to do, but it didn’t happen.


           My entire life as I knew it was coming to an end. My two beautiful little girls were living with my brother and I was knee deep in my addiction and homeless sleeping where I could when I could. Then, one day I’m at my besties house and I see this guy sitting in a chair at the foot of the bed directly in front of the spot where I sit. He was quiet which I took as most men are, little did I know I was making him nervous. “Nikki,” my bestie said,”meet a Esteban, Esteban this is Nikki.” Little did I know as I looked into his gorgeous hazel eyes this man was about turn my life upside down but not for another couple months. 


             Sure enough one night I didn’t know where I was living, I had just spent two nights in a park, when I decided to ask Esteban out on a date! I asked him if he wanted to go to the movies with me. (Hell no I didn’t have no money but my older sister had given me a gift card of $50 to AMC theaters.) At that time the new IT movie by Stephen King was out and I wanted to check it out but there was no way I was gonna watch it alone. We decided not to watch it though, instead we sat in the parking lot of the movie theater and talked and then he asked me if I wanted to go back to his place. When I looked into his eyes there was no way I could say no and after he took me to his home, 8 months later and I still haven’t left… 

To Be Continued… 

I Tried

“Maybe I tried my best, maybe not. If one thing makes me human, I hurt myself and others. Ive been selfish; I’ve been proud.

So As your word says I hurt you. Does this make you love me even more? My weakness, my shame?

God is love. It remains a mystery to me. It’s a unrelenting, dig-your-heels-in, never lose hope, never give up kind of love.”

Day 12, Challenge 12 “What’s In Your Fridge?”

      What an odd question to be on a blog challenge right? I mean come on now whose really gonna be interested in what’s in your fridge? All it would really do is just make you hungry and crave something that you currently don’t have in your fridge right? So, for starters let’s just say I have four different ice creams in my freezer right now including mint, Rocky road, caramel delight, and pumpkin spice- the last one is exactly as gross as it sounds. 

       In my fridge I have the usual condiments including ketchup and mustard. Butter, milk, coca cola, and pasta salad. Now that we are all nice and hungry how about I just wrap this up because I have to go raid my described fridge now. Tell me what’s in in your fridge so I can get hungry again I could use to gain some weight. Hope you all get hungry but then get fed lol

Day 11, Challenge 11 List 15 of Your Favorite Things

 

Here is a list of my top 15 favorite things: 

  • My Children
  • My boyfriend
  • My bestie April
  • My Family
  • My Dog Emmy
  • Music
  • My car
  • Sunsets
  • Writing
  • Coffee
  • The Office T.V. Series
  • Mashed Potatoes
  • Coca-Cola
  • Fresh Artisan Italian Bread
  • Blogging

I have also made a little photo gallery of some of my favorite things. What are some of your favorite things.

 

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Day 10, Challenge 10 What’s Your Best Feature?

       I’m not totally sure if this question is actually trying to make me sound conceited or not when I’m actually insecure. Don’t get me wrong I’m confident in various aspects of my character. Although, thanks to my ex who continuously slaughtered my self-esteem on a daily basis and did it in such a way that I didn’t realize it until our relationship was over and I’ve been rebuilding my confidence everyday.
So what would I say my best feature is? I guess I would choose my eyes. They are hazel not really such a remarkable color but when they turn green they are really pretty and butterscotch sometimes. Plus they are sort of almond shaped and a lot of people say they are my best feature so that’s a pretty good bonus on me personally thinking it’s my best feature.
For a close second to my best feature it would be my legs. They tan really well and they’re long and toned and I’ve also received compliments on those too! LOL! Anywho what would you say is your best feature? Drop it in the comments and thanks for reading!!

Day 9, Challenge 9 What Are Your Worst Habits?

           Now, it seems this challenge wants to get down to the nitty gritty all of a sudden. Well luckily for you I don’t believe in lying or trying to run a facade for yourself so it makes it easier for people to like you. My method lies more along the lines of putting it all out there and if people don’t like it well fuck ’em they don’t deserve you. start off my bad habits let me start off with: smoking!! PicsArt_04-10-01.11.38

          Yeah I know that it’s a disgusting habit to have. I remember growing up and my mom and step dad and my real dad all smoked and I used to say all the time “I ain’t never gonna smoke when I grow up.” I laugh every time I think about that. 😂  I started smoking when I was 15. ”Hypothetically speaking” let’s just say during that time I used to smoke a lot of 🌲 trees. One night I couldn’t find any of those sneaky little delicious trees and so I decided to do something stupider, smoke a cigarette. It had happen to be a Kool, of all kinds of cigarettes it was a Kool. (I smoke Marlboro’s Red shorts now). Although, I suppose I’ll be quitting soon I have two little girls made a promise too quit.     

         Hypothetically speaking if I had any other bad habits I would say that it’s in the “downers” arena of  the “dark” 🎱area. That’s about as “clear” as I can get it as I do that as well. Horrible Habits triggered by something traumatic in my life that I can’t seem to come back from no matter what I do but when I’m ready to deal with it then I can finally move on from those bad habits. Which I would personally love but remember this is hypothetically said remember, not having closure sucks bollocks. 
        Another bad habits that I do obtain is procrastination. I’m a huge one if I do admit it and I don’t like it about myself and instead of changing it about me I’ve come to just accept it lmao that’s funny. I don’t mean to procrastinate but I do at the same time. 😄😄 I’m also stubborn and can be very hard headed. Although, those last two can actually be strengths they are used in the right context that is.
          I’m sure if you were to ask, let’s say, my ex wife I’m sure she has a whole book based on my bad habits. Or if you were to ask my family I’m sure they all got their two cents worth of opinions as well. They are, the majority, of them ass holes just so you know. Lol. Anyways, what are your bad habits? You smoke too? Or if you just need to talk I do have my associated in chemical dependency and family counseling. I’d love to bear some of yours so I know I’m not the only whose not perfect… I also hope your enjoying my blog subscribe or drop a comment to say hello. Have a good one!! 

“Nothing” by m.h.

I am good for a while I’ll talk more, laugh more Sleep and eat normally .  But then something happens Like a switch turns off somewhere And all I am left with is the darkness Of my mind. But each time it seems like I sink.

Deeper & Deeper.

And I’m scared… Terrified that one day I won’t make it back up… I feel like I’m gasping for air. Screaming for help But everyone just looks at me. With confused faces. Wondering what I am struggling over, when they’re all doing fine And it makes me feel crazy …

Whatthe hell is wrong with me?” 

—–m.h.                                           

Day 8, Challenge 8 What’s In Your Handbag

When I first saw this challenge I started laughing because up until recently I never carried a Handbag. I’ve always seen women use them and majority of the time they are always over flowing with stuff that they don’t need, surprising there is allot of trash, and whenever they need something they seem to never be able to find it. 🙂
So, I actually have a really small Handbag that holds:

  1. Perfume
  2. Wallet
  3. Cell phone
  4. Eye liner
  5. Cover up
  6. Eye shadow
  7. Charger cord
Although, half the time I leave the house I forget to bring it with me. Lmao! What about you? What’s in your handbag? Oh! I also keep hand sanitizer cuz now a days you always need that around.

Day 7, Challenge 7 Thing’s Your Pet Hates?

        To be honest I had a Russian Blue Cat and her name is Smokey. I got her like four years ago. My ex wife t let me take her with me cus she is being controlling and wants me to be hurt. Chi was the one who got her for me and she still wouldn’t let me take her with me. She also knew how much Smokey meant to me and she kept her to spite me.          Although, Smokey’s the most stuck up cat I’ve ever met. She hated everything except for her food, cat box, and me of course. She didn’t like my kids at all lol. Every time my girls would get close to her she would raise her hackles and strait hiss at my girls. Telling them basically to back off. 

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Duke RIP

Smokey also didn’t like dogs. She wouldn’t fight with them but Koda, my syberian husky would always try and be her friend because Duke, my tuxedo cat, and Koda we’re like best buddies. So much so that when I had to put Duke down because he got in a cat fight and caught FUDs Koda 2 weeks later I had to put down because he got hip Dyspepsia. Although, Smokey wasn’t having it she didn’t need nor did she want any friends except for me.           

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My Koda RIP

                                                       I didn’t have Smokey since she was kitten. Chi had been working crazy hours and so I was alone a lot because I was only job searching and I didn’t have a vehicle so I couldn’t go anywhere so I found myself slipping into a deep loneliness depression. Chi happened to notice this and mentioned a stray cat that hung around the bakery and asked me if I wanted to her to bring her home. Of course I said yes because

1. I love cats and

2. Chi said we would never have a cat.

So the next day Chi calls me and says that she got Smokey in the car and was bringing her home. Well it just so happens that Smokey must have jumped out of the car after she had gotten her in the car.    

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Smokey and I

                       The next day though Chi did get Smokey to come home and I was so excited. I then loved Smokey with all of my heart she warmed up to me that night even jumping up on the bed and cuddling with me. She would chase nothing on the bed all the time and she would dig in her cat box loudly to wake me up.  Also in the beginning we struggled and we couldn’t always get Smokey her favorite food which happened to be Meow Mix Tender Centers and so when we got the cheap kind she would look at it then at me saying “what the fuck is this shit?” Lmao it would be so funny to see her face cuz she even looked stuck up. She’s such a bitch. I miss her so much I don’t understand what happened to the woman I fell in love with because the woman that kept Smokey from me is someone I don’t even recognize. I’m sure she misses me too.

Do any of y’all have pets? What kind and what are their names? Are they stuck up like my Smokey or what kind of personality do they have? I have always thought that animals have more revealing personalities than humans.